It's. Everybody Else's, But Yours.

Fault. Of course I'm the first to be blamed by you. I always am. No matter how isolated I am from the issue, no matter how much I have no idea what is going on. It's my fault. Now that you've beaten me, get out of my life.

These feelings aren't sudden

I was thinking back, and I remembered when you left for two or weeks when I was eight. I remember sulking when you came back, because I liked life better without you in it. Those memories where buried away until just then. Life felt more free when you weren't there. Back then, the three of us were happy.

Now it's just me.

But I can do it myself.

Escape

If only I could.
You, I hate you. Every time I hear your voice, I recoil under my blankets. Every time your foot steps approach my door.. My heart beat quickens, I pray that you won't open the door. Yesterday night, you touched my hand. I don't know what I was thinking, but naturally I recoiled and you slapped me. The times you've ripped my hair out. The times where you've threatened me with a knife. The times where your eyes bulge and dilate with anger, and oh, the times when I've wished you would drop on the spot.

Unfilial thoughts

有時候，我會怕我自己。There are times when I frighten myself.

My heart in still thumping - it's good to know that it's sound.

The tale as it goes..

My father (I didn't even know that he was coming home today, let alone at home..) turned on his electric shaver. A rather loud noise emanated from the closed bathroom. (Isn't it rather sad that it took a few minutes for anybody to ask if anything was wrong? It was a quite disturbing sound after all..) My mother warily approached the bathroom door; and while I have no idea she was thinking, from observing the way she opened the door, and the manner in which she screamed, she probably thought he had electrocuted himself. He was fine. She wasn't.

In the meantime, I sighed in disappointment. Actually I'm taking second thoughts about putting the rest of my thoughts down. It would hardly serve me well. My incomplete story has .. ended?

What am I thinking?

我只是十六嵗，我又在想做什麽呢？我可以試，但是我知道我不會成功啊。成功是沒有可能的。我一定會失望的。

It's never as bad as you think it is.

離開家會太貴。我沒錢，沒朋友，沒家人，又沒有什麽 ‘那就怎麽辦呢？’。我從來都沒什麽 選擇。

幸福。幸福是什麽呢？

我都忘記了。