When He Comes

Whenever I hear that noise of his car pulling into the garage, fear strikes me. I'm not really sure why. He doesn't hit me any more, and family-life right is fairly un-intrusive. The stresses I work out now in kumdo (call it kendo if you want) are no longer family-related, but rather school-related. Go Green has invaded my life, in an negative manner :( You could call family-life idyllic right now. The only tremors I feel are when my mother throws one of her frequent rages. But even so, I feel like I can handle them now, as well as I handle the empty dinner table, the ridiculously messy house, the constant humming of the television and the sprawled drunken messes I call my parents in front of it. I've grown resigned to my fate, as you could say. Wait, that's a lie actually - but I've accepted it as part of my life, and I won't expect my parents to turn into brightly smiling rays of sunshine ready to embrace me and my thoughts.

But that sound of his car pulling into the car strikes inexplicable fear into my heart. I shovel any remaining my food on my plate into my mouth, and most days I can finish this race, or else I take the rest of my food into my room to finish it in peace. I can't stand facing that man. Mornings are highly distasteful affairs, I quake and hide at the sounds of him. I wish he wasn't here. Those two weeks when he left the house were my favourite,  the most peacable two weeks of my young life.

Again,

and I'll call the police on you. You just try and...

Why are you here?!

Why are you looking at my blog :(

It's never as bad as you think it is.

離開家會太貴。我沒錢，沒朋友，沒家人，又沒有什麽 ‘那就怎麽辦呢？’。我從來都沒什麽 選擇。