When He Comes

Whenever I hear that noise of his car pulling into the garage, fear strikes me. I'm not really sure why. He doesn't hit me any more, and family-life right is fairly un-intrusive. The stresses I work out now in kumdo (call it kendo if you want) are no longer family-related, but rather school-related. Go Green has invaded my life, in an negative manner :( You could call family-life idyllic right now. The only tremors I feel are when my mother throws one of her frequent rages. But even so, I feel like I can handle them now, as well as I handle the empty dinner table, the ridiculously messy house, the constant humming of the television and the sprawled drunken messes I call my parents in front of it. I've grown resigned to my fate, as you could say. Wait, that's a lie actually - but I've accepted it as part of my life, and I won't expect my parents to turn into brightly smiling rays of sunshine ready to embrace me and my thoughts.

But that sound of his car pulling into the car strikes inexplicable fear into my heart. I shovel any remaining my food on my plate into my mouth, and most days I can finish this race, or else I take the rest of my food into my room to finish it in peace. I can't stand facing that man. Mornings are highly distasteful affairs, I quake and hide at the sounds of him. I wish he wasn't here. Those two weeks when he left the house were my favourite,  the most peacable two weeks of my young life.

Again,

and I'll call the police on you. You just try and...

If I...

A Chock Full of Obesity & Unhealthiness

Oh dear, I have gained weight.

I just ate a whole cake ;(
I had two Boost for free :(
I ate an entire packet of French Fries yesterday
I ate an entire packet of Twix on Saturday
I ate an entire meatball subway that day too
I ate 2L of ice cream the week before
and three 1L tubs of yoghurt.

I'm fat :( And it's showing.

Time to lose some weight.

(I deleted the last part because it was stupid. I feel stupid. Who cares? I don't.) 1/4/12

On The Other Side

I think I should bring some positivity here! It's been too stormy as of late.

Clean Up Day ran without a hitch - it passed with a surreal smoothness that doesn't normally arrive with new projects. 130 participants, 130 certificates, 130 sheets of paper. Sigh.

I wish I could restart Bikram Yoga again. I really don't like that easing-in phase when you begin (again) because it's so painful and I have such high expectations of my body. But afterwards, it's just smooth sailing.

And I've discovered I can't write to save my life! It's rather sad, how my mind is just like a piece of BLANK crumpled paper. I have no inspiration, and because of the creases, I can't add anything. So it's just some never - ending, thoughtless and highly frustrating cycle of.. emptiness.

Oh, that wasn't positive at all. But it's better than writing about that bastard right?
This is so disjointed...