Vegetables

That bastard. Why I do cry when he yells at me? That's showing signs of weakness. I really dislike eating with him. The first time in several weeks we have a family dinner and I drop tears into my bowl.

When He Comes

Whenever I hear that noise of his car pulling into the garage, fear strikes me. I'm not really sure why. He doesn't hit me any more, and family-life right is fairly un-intrusive. The stresses I work out now in kumdo (call it kendo if you want) are no longer family-related, but rather school-related. Go Green has invaded my life, in an negative manner :( You could call family-life idyllic right now. The only tremors I feel are when my mother throws one of her frequent rages. But even so, I feel like I can handle them now, as well as I handle the empty dinner table, the ridiculously messy house, the constant humming of the television and the sprawled drunken messes I call my parents in front of it. I've grown resigned to my fate, as you could say. Wait, that's a lie actually - but I've accepted it as part of my life, and I won't expect my parents to turn into brightly smiling rays of sunshine ready to embrace me and my thoughts.

But that sound of his car pulling into the car strikes inexplicable fear into my heart. I shovel any remaining my food on my plate into my mouth, and most days I can finish this race, or else I take the rest of my food into my room to finish it in peace. I can't stand facing that man. Mornings are highly distasteful affairs, I quake and hide at the sounds of him. I wish he wasn't here. Those two weeks when he left the house were my favourite,  the most peacable two weeks of my young life.

왜어?

Sigh. My life passes with these three expressions... -_____- ._____. O_____o

Sisters. I deeply dislike.

I can't judge her. I can't get angry. She's holding one above me. I can't get angry. And I can't get hurt. I don't know what the seniors are studying.. So my sister: Do you even talk to anybody? Don't you have friends? Omg =.= I know she's just doing to be hateful, I know what she's doing so I can't get hurt. There.. Her claims are ridiculous.

The lady doth protest.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

What am I doing there?

Why did I go to James Ruse? Was it prove my worth to my family - I could enter an 'elite'school? Was it for the academics? Was it for the friends, the extra - curricular activities? The last two definitely aren't true. Well, what have I accomplished at this school? I've been trying to think, but no matter how I ponder, I can't find any answer.

50 times

Have you celebrated yet? Maybe it'll be the last.